Is Ego the Enemy?
Would you say you have an ego? Not in the Freudian sense. You know what I mean: when someone describes you to a stranger, would the word ego be part of their description? Most of us would hope not. We don't really want to be viewed as having an ego. Its a half-step away from being called cocky, brash, or arrogant, none of which we want on our epitaph.
If left unchecked, ego can spell the demise of careers, relationships, even entire empires. It's been the driving force behind scandal, war, treason, and murder, to name a few. In one of my favorite books, Ego is the Enemy, the author Ryan Holiday argues how our ego, in one way or another, is essentially at the root of all of our problems. Stubbornness, insecurity, fear, arrogance, narcissism--they're all driven by ego. We're constantly serving our ego: defending it, preserving it, concealing it, inflating it. I like the book so much because I like the premise: ego is a sonuvabitch.
Then again...ever meet a really successful person who has no ego at all? Sure, some keep it in check better than others, but anyone who's ever been really good at something definitely has an ego. In some sense, they have to in order to be driven to do great things.
The notion that ego is this toxic entity in and of itself is a mischaracterization. Ego, like anything (food, alcohol, work) in excess can be destructive. But in moderation, it can be an asset. You want to be successful. That's ego. You want to prove yourself. That's ego. You want to be the very best. That's ego. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
As long as it doesn't consume you. Use it as a tool in your arsenal. Lean on it when you need to, put it in your back pocket when it won't serve you. Some high achievers struggle to find this balance. Their ego is all gas, no brake. It grabs the wheel and they can never regain control. They may achieve big feats, but it's often at the expense of their health, relationships, or happiness.
When I'm considering bringing someone into my tribe--be it my friend circle, workplace, you name it, I boil it down to one simple question: Do I want this person on my team? Yes, I absolutely want a teammate who is humble, hard working, selfless, and willing to sacrifice for the greater good. But when it comes down to it, I also want a dog--a competitor with some pride, edge, and ambition. That's somebody that's gonna get some stuff done.
Just like you can let your ego get the best of you and be described by any number of unflattering adjectives, we can over-rotate in the other direction, too. Too deferential? Grow a backbone! Too even-tempered? Be more passionate! Too high energy? Dude, chill out. Too hard working? Live a little! Like most of life, it's about finding a sense of balance; calibrating your engine to know when you need to hit the gas and when you need to pump the brakes. That differs by individual. Balance doesn't necessarily mean 50/50. Our engines all idle at different RPMs. Some need to lean harder on the ego in order to get the most out of themselves. Others need to throttle back to make it doesn't get the best of them.
Many of the people I know that have done remarkable things are humble, unassuming, and gracious (several have been guests on the podcast). But you bet your ass they have an ego. Having an ego doesn't make you arrogant or unlikeable. It makes you human. And it makes you capable of pushing yourself to achieve. So be a human who knows how to use their ego for good, instead of letting their ego use them.